sometimes i wake up in the morning and feel lazy, sluggish, uninspired. sometimes i wake up with these feelings more days than i’d care to admit. not to dwell on yesterdays, but i used to write and create a lot of stuff for myself, whereas now my efforts are spent on other people. this blog is an attempt to change that.
for as long as i can remember, i have been writing, drawing and creating. when i was eight years old, i was tasked with writing and illustrating a book in my class. the book was phenomenal, if i do say so myself. the illustrations were lacking*, but the story line was fantastic: i was riding home from school on my bike when i spotted an abnormally large egg in the middle of the sidewalk. swerving to avoid disaster, i fell off my bike and after tending to my scrapes, i managed to carry the egg home on my handlebars. i pondered what could be inside the egg during a few dream sequences. finally the egg hatched… and i was the proud owner of my very own michael jackson, sequined glove and all!
as i got older, i stopped writing for fun and started writing out of emotion. love, angst, fear, insecurity, elation… all of the typical teenage feelings during a tuesday second lunch. i channeled my emotions into poems and prose, some of which were published in the local newspaper. (this was back when they had high school writing contests 2-3 times a year.) i turned to sarcasm and self-deprecating humor with opinion columns for my school paper. i interviewed students and reported on teenage sex, dating violence, 9/11 and the conservation attempts to save the Florida Scrub Jay. and then, i snagged editor. finally! i could write whatever i wanted! except my newfound responsibilities left me with little time. i fell in love with layout and design. armed with an exacto knife and a plethora of mediocre ideas, i abandoned my childhood dream of being a journalist.
i still studied journalism in college, but my interest began to wane. i was filled with regret for not enrolling in a fine arts program or going to a fancy art school, where undoubtedly my love for brazen color theory, e.e. cummings-esque hard returns and simplicity a la saul bass would be welcomed with open arms and clove cigarettes. i decided to go back to my first love and study English instead.
fast forward to four years later, and things are only slightly different: i still live in a small college town. i’m still working at a newspaper. i’m still doing graphic design. the biggest change between then and now is that i am finally studying something i want to do, not just something i love. i’m back in school with hopes of someday living in a city, or at least a larger town, and being creative all day instead of splicing my time between coming up with ideas, babysitting newbies and pushing paperwork.
i am hoping this blog provides the creative outlet i have been seeking so desperately. by forcing myself to create something each day, whether it is a drawing, graphic design, something funny, something serious or just a few carefully chosen words to mark the day, i’m hoping to get back in touch with what i love. bang! loudly on the door and awaken the slumbering beast of creativity. and when i fail, as i am wont to do, i will try to dig up something from an old journal. maybe something i’d forgotten about? giving it a contradictory second chance at ephemerality.
*i still cannot draw, much to the chagrin of my grade nine art teacher.